fake image.

噘嘴。

Webto has pushed me....update ...update... update... sorry...that i am always lazy...like lazy to talk in English, like lazy to walk just five mins to the office, like lazy to wish the plates in the sink last 9t, like lazy to update.....no matter how much i wanna express actually.

The damned server is blocked by the chinese webserver authority...together with the pic hosting server...pretty nice...all the red XXX....

maybe it is a good thing for me. totally private...although sometimes when i saw the comments always keepthe same number, dont wanna step a little bit further. Drive me a bit crazy....hope not entirely abandoned by the world.

This pic was found pretty long time ago from a friend's space. Some people gave reactions via msn...seems not happy indeed. At that age...5 yrs before.....time goes without considering ur emotion. bloody, floody memories.....

2001. winter.

moved in the new home.Almost everthing inside was fresh but the people. Fighting between them all the time, still on the same topics...the war between men and women will be endless....i had to used to the situation....those yrs....suprised to know that a friend had a same case as me now...even worse...even he has to go back to China immediately to be a last key to solve the prb...we r the sort of kids at home...we will never have the right to express what we care....

2005. winter.

be pushed harder...feel like could not breath any more. Love is connection, not a bandary. every time when he asks me about where i went or whom i went with....i could not control myself from impatience...i am a good girl, not that easy to throw the love as a piece of paper/// leave me some space.....pls....

==========================

希望圣诞节一切都正常。。。2005年这样快点过去把。。。。

发如雪。

天空一点点暗下来。雾霭如同上了另外的一层水粉色。越发的冷了，把黑白ska毛线围巾在脖子上绕了好几圈。还是止不住地打颤。
雪下了两三天。停了。然后消失了。化成水。
再几个月就22了。 好像特别的不现实。。都要22岁。。。19岁好像还在昨天。感觉到了衰老。虽然那一点点的苗头。。。眼睛下面开始出现细细的纹路，肤色一点点暗淡下去.......

反复听着那首发如雪。听一首歌，总要反复反复听到它在播放器里烂掉。

--------------------------------------------------

今夜。
让我再一次轻轻的靠在你身旁。
细数二十年你的微笑你的伤。
2月的晴朗。
你着华衣赴一场盛大的殇。
4月的雨季。
你垫起脚在微微跳跃轻声歌唱。
7月的燥热。
你湿润了唇留它一抹少女的芬芳。
12月的阴霾。
又一场轮回。颔首蹙额。提步转身。

snowin...con'

snowin'

It is snowing...was...is...will be...

Colleagues in the corridor started to call me SNOW, SNOW, instead of those ugly XUE. SUE,SHUE...various pronounciations.

I was sitting in front of the LCD screen...such a big blinking monster... eating my imagination. By the hand, there was the strawberry tea...a little bloody color, smelt sweet though.

The totally white view outside the window always easily drags me into a deep, untouchable memory. pieces by pieces, chilly as it was used to be.

Took the above picture, didnt change anything, dark sky, black river,brown leaves, they are still there. such a morning. typically for our wonderlands.

it drags me into this down status again. r u still there playing around the girls? those pretty, toxy, lost, poisonous girls......they r growing only once in your field, then die. toy's happiness. kiss them, taste the last sweety.

tomorrow is a big day for u. no one will escape from ur circle.

=======================================

i always thought about Nicole Kidman, with cold, bloodless, white skin, sensitive, like a piece of china. touched it lightly, it is broken, and gone.

like this gloomy hour.

[movie]Closer

因为natalie portman看了closer.
2男*2女的故事。
让我觉得非常之好看。
原 因一。就在那doctor去海洋馆会见julie的那面，蓝色的大鱼。我一下子就承受不住了。太漂亮了，还隐约看到内大池子里有人头雕塑，高高的鼻梁那 样。鱼在蓝色的灯里面，游。。。游。。。游。。。觉得异常性感。为什么我去伦敦的时候没有去这海洋馆看过。很后悔。然后想起若干电影里都有这样的情节。男 女相遇，在这幽蓝的大池子前面。那种欲望，就像鱼一样，悄无声息，游来游去。。。然后他们俩出去，医生给julie买了只蓝色的鱼气球。鱼气球。
原 因二。natalie做了Stripper。带粉色假发。银色的流苏bra。其实她演这个角色还是嫩一些，没有那种很女人很女人的感觉。但是这角色就是这 么设计的。天真的自暴自弃。他们在纠缠。doctor跟她。她其实是说了真话。可他不相信，并且嘲笑他。他可怜，懦弱的像一个疯子。我喜欢这种游戏。永远 不说出真相，藏着秘密。
原因三。其实我前阵子发神经把他气哭得样子很像电影里那个落魄的作家。只是我的爱人，真的还是我的爱人。原谅我，还给我买了跟我motorola V3一样贵的面膜。那个作家结果失去了两个女人。可怜。

==========》我开始胡言乱语了。 睡觉吧。

旧调。

经历了两个冬天了。生活突然失去了剩下的最后一点激情。我乔装了一把。穿了件新衣裳，在网络里招摇。让我再一次表达对msn space的躲闪不及吧。原谅我现在是如此的婆婆妈妈。终于那个让我意乱心烦的小黄花没有了。
每年冬天都是我的低潮，继而迎接网络的高潮。一阵子的时候是把msn上所有的陌生人都删除，只剩下些同学，把实验报告发来发去。并且信任他们。信任女的她 们。一直到毕业前夕，听说了件让我很恶心的事，blog变成了一些人8挂的依据。所以现在想删了它，跟大部队都脱离。脱离。
===========
估计刚才被人认定是一个疯子了。应该没有错，就是他。竟然都还记得他的名字。可是他已经不认得18了。算了。看他现在的样子是变化不小。给18发短信，还 好，18还有点良心，18都记得他叫chris。因为要不是没有他，我也不能跟18认识，更不能还兜出后来好多事儿。不过叫chris的人多了去了。内个 我印象中的人，他内时候还没有买车，后来买了车还好像出过一次小事故。那会儿还用过skype。后来不知道怎么就没有联系了。问他半天。他什么都记不得 了。那算了。我也当做忘记好了。如果不是电脑重装了。。我还有他给我传过的照片儿。不过一定被丫认做大花痴了！我对男人还没有到那种地步。。。= 《 且说我也是有主的人了。
小插曲一下。
还不知道什么时候能跟18见着一次。

xmas light

Happy B'day.dark sky. blue moon.

闷骚。

可忽略人物。

强调气味。

gala 旧照一张。

哪年哪月這衣帽間 談談情。跳跳舞。
倫巴。恰恰。華爾茲。握住我的手，來跟我跳舞。
想念去年的galaball。翻到舊時照片。一席青色雪紡華衣。偏分的劉海和簡單的圓形發髻。翩飛舞池中忘情至拂曉。需要這一場盛宴來裝飾自己。2046裏，舊上海紫醉金迷的夜總會。珠光流溢的章子儀，眼角上挑的墨色眼綫，白色兔毛披巾，暗紅平絨手套，竪領掐腰旗袍，風情無限。此种精致女人，卻也寂寞到深谷。諂媚的男人前呼後擁，卻也是逢場作戲。待天亮一切喧閙都將靜場，只有冰冷的鞋跟伴隨孤單的背影。

乱弹。

希望这次发布再不是乱码。突然发现blogger比以前好用很多。可以用fotobucket直接上载照片，更可以打开word写完以后直接发布。很开心。这些小细节。多好玩。多方便。

前些日子一直都很烦躁。荷尔蒙失调。身体里像有一个小小的魔鬼张牙舞爪。可以没有任何理由的跟他发脾气，斗气，看到他在msn上就恨不得躲起来怕他跟我讲话。我这究竟是怎么了。终于爆发到高潮，无缘无故的挂了他电话。

他在那边哭了。

我恨不得扇自己一个巴掌。一个给你做饭洗衣，领你回家过日子，听到你声音就开心，你还要怎么样呢。自己犯贱。

男人哭吧哭吧不是罪。

空房间。装着我们的记忆。

================

你有魔法，我有粉饰太平的超能力。

busy days...

paris. zcl.

考。写了那么多竟然是乱码。

zcl你原谅我吧。

M 'and M with pills

i am sick.

not physically, but mentally.

that is why i am like crazy witch,

cried in front of u

shout at u

abuse ur emotion,

so--------

dont leave me any ur sympathy, gentilesse, generosity, kindness...

only i do need, are those pills, maybe conclude a pack of M & M, bitter with sweet, hate with love.

butterfly flu

This pic was taken one year before.

That age.

Blonde hair.

Butterfly blinking.

I think I will never have that any more.

? it is a pity, or a luck

Time is running as it should be.

it is not only that i am changing; i am old.

u too.

So could u pls go with me to the black hole.

u get ur youth, i get my virginity.

you could not hold the tiny little light.

I knew that u could not hold that tiny little light.

splendid. but fake.

why are u still infatuated with it...

because u r that light

splendid.

but fake.

Dying hope....

that is a depressing season.

girls in the neverland are singing to die....

tape B's start

It is a problem that everytime when u wanna publish sth on ur msn space, so many friends on ur list, so many friends that exist in ur reality, will notice and read them immediately. Maybe also including ur father or ur bf.

That is a more and more serious prb for me. some sth i wanna say. but i lose the ability.

something is better to share with the strangers, totally. that u dont have any intersaction with them in ur world. thats safe.

This is tne reason for this blog's existing .

i am like a tape. i was played by the god, but only with side A.

here i played by myself. that is my side B.

totally free, Tape B's life.